


hating the loneliness

by illrunwithyou



Series: angsty one shots [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, M/M, Sad, fluff kinda, lonely, minho centric, minsung if you squint, poor minho, sprained ankle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:15:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23599693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/illrunwithyou/pseuds/illrunwithyou
Summary: Minho hated living alone, but now he doesn't have to.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Lee Minho | Lee Know & Everyone, Lee Minho | Lee Know/Everyone
Series: angsty one shots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1698694
Comments: 1
Kudos: 102





	hating the loneliness

**Author's Note:**

> Helloooo, tbh this is just about Minho's sprained ankles since he is always getting hurt. This took a long time but its basically just me projecting. Be more careful baby :((
> 
> Also, you guys should follow me at @/healing.unicorns on instagram :)) i post like kpop things hehe, its not a big account but we can get there :))
> 
> (yes, i am shameless)

When Minho twisted his ankle before the 2018 KBS show, and he was carried out on his manager’s back, his vibrant smile covered up the intense worry and pain of his ankle. He knew it was bad as soon as he started the turn and his hunches proved true when he landed on his butt, left ankle numb of any feeling. When Chan told him to get up and Minho tried to put pressure on the ankle, his heart fell when he immediately fell over. The members had run to him, worry evident in their eyes. He had been bombarded with questions, but he could only focus on his thoughts- _he is going to bring down the team, he needed to continue with the practice so they can have a flawless performance, he needed to stand up_ \- and with that thought, he whispered he was fine and pulled himself to his feet with the help of Jisung, and with pain in his voice, he insisted they kept practicing. They all protested but Minho was insistent and they got into formation. 

The first few seconds on the ground of the District 9 choreography but as soon as he stood on his feet, a sharp pain shot up his leg, forcing it to go numb and collapse under him, forcing him into a ball of pain focused around his ankle. 

“Hyung, what’s the point of us continuing to practice if you are just going to continue collapsing?” Seungmin asked worriedly, but that statement hurt Minho’s heart, knowing that there was no point of him if he was just a burden. Defeated, he allowed the manager to haul him onto his back and they left the stadium. Minho almost let his pain show on his face when they walked out but as soon as he saw the media, he forced down his demons with a smile, fake, but he knew it would get the job done. 

As soon as they loaded him into the van to the hospital, the members started asking him of his well being, “Hyung, you should’ve been more careful.” “Does it still hurt?” “Minho, if it gets worse, you need to tell us.” which he waved off with bouts of “don’t worry, it doesn’t hurt that bad.” “I will be fine, please don’t worry.”

\--------------

“No worries, it’s only a minor sprain and he should be fine soon. Just make sure he doesn’t put any weight on it for three weeks and he should be fine.” the doctor waved his hand and subsequently waved away all the worries of the members. 

“I’m sorry Minho, but you will need to move out for this time,” the manager whispered quietly, almost too quiet for any of them to hear, but they heard nonetheless, “we can’t have you bringing down the team,”

“No,” Chan stepped up, “he’s not going anywhere, he’s going to stay with us at the dorm so we can take care of him. You can’t separate us.”

“Chan, I don’t want to fight about this anymore, he will be leaving tonight,”

“But-” Minho stopped Chan with a small shake of his head, knowing that him moving out for three weeks will be the best for the team. 

Minho was no stranger to living alone. Ever since joining BigHit entertainment in 2014, he had been living alone. He was only 17 at the time (18 in korean age) but his parents trusted him enough to rent out a single-room apartment for him. He didn’t have many personal items in the house, only the essentials, and he came home late, only to go back to the practice rooms early. He knew that this was not the way he wanted to live his essential years of transitioning from a teenager to an adult but he also knew that this was an essential step to becoming a star, so he put up with the late nights, with the nights of no food, with the cold, dark, unwelcoming atmosphere of that apartment. He knew that it wasn’t going to be like that this time because he will be going to a JYP owned apartment with actual windows and furniture. He was going to be able to visit both the practice rooms and the dorm with ease so he had nothing to worry about. 

However, when he officially moved into the apartment, he couldn’t help the sting in his heart that came back after realizing he was alone again. 

Being injured, Minho decided to spend his time on the couch, in view of the door, and easy to receive takeout, and easy to hobble to the door when needing to go out. Despite the promise from his members that they would visit him and help him, it’s been nearly a week and not a single member had been by his apartment. He couldn’t blame them, however, since he knew how packed their schedules were especially since they were still rookies and needed to make a name for themselves. He kept the TV on and continued watching his members’ interviews and performances, smiling when they mentioned him and reminded him that they loved him. His heart ached to be with them and smile at the cameras, making lame jokes and hearing their gorgeous laughs. 

When his takeout arrived, he was painfully wobbled to his feet and took the package, thanking the delivery boy and handing him the money. However, as he opened his dinner, he realized that they forgot to pack utensils and while typically it was not a big deal, the thought of having to get back up to grab utensils from his tiny kitchen that was not more than 10 steps away than the couch brought him to tears. He couldn’t do anything right, couldn’t take care of himself, couldn’t dance, couldn’t practice, he could only stay on the couch and cry about his failures and that’s what he did, for the entire three weeks he was out of commission. 

By the time Minho moved back into the dorm and went back to practice, he was rusty on all the routines and his ankle hurt every time he finished an 8 hour straight dance practice but he ignored it, knowing that he could never go back to that dark little apartment that reminded him of his painful teenage years filled with sore muscles and thoughts of never debuting and going back to his hometown as a failure. He couldn’t do that, couldn’t for his parents so he endured the harsh comments of the trainers about his weight and the sneering comments of his fellow backup dancers telling him he would never debut. Despite being proud of his progress, Minho knew he could never go back to that broken boy who jumped at any chance to join a company and went to every audition he could because that boy’s self-esteem went lower with each failed audition, thoughts went darker, and his body got weaker. He couldn’t go back, so he practiced and practiced after coming back, even when his muscles screamed at him to stop. 

“Hyung, please, please stop, you can’t get hurt again,” worry clouded Jisung’s voice and Minho’s heart clenched hearing it, not wanting pity, but also knowing that he had to respect his limits. 

This cycle of working to the edge yet never quite going over the edge lasted until October of the next year. October 2019 was definitely a wild ride, they had came back with Double Knot and continued promotions for it. Despite the exhaustion that came with the tiring dance, each member performed it proudly and always walked off the stage with the widest grin ever because this was their dream, they were living this dream. They constantly took photos to commemorate the new style of drawing wounds onto their faces to match the intense beats of the song and every member enjoyed it to the fullest. October, Lee Know knew, was one of his favorite months as his birthday was right at the end, right down there with Halloween. However, this year proved to be different. When Chan sat the members down for a run downs of the goods and bads of the comeback, Woojin had dropped a bomb on them- _he was going to leave the group and the company_. When he announced that, the atmosphere became tense. 

“Why, are we not good enough?” Chan asked, tears welling up in the corners of his eyes.

Rushing to console the leader, Woojin replied, “Of course not, it’s just that these performances made me realize that I want to be a soloist, that I don’t want to dance while singing songs, I want to sing them while sitting, standing, listening to my voice and having the utmost control over it. I don’t want to pant my way through songs anymore, it’s insanely tiring. It’s just that….being an idol is not for me,” 

“But, what about us hyung, what about us? What about nine or none? What about….what about….” Felix was crying, as were most other group members. 

“Hey hey, shhhh, it’s okay. I just realized that this was no longer my dream, you guys went to great lengths to follow your dreams, and look at you now. I figure it’s only fair for you guys to allow me to follow mine?” 

A silence hung over the room before Chan hugged Woojin, “you are right, we have no right to stand between you and your dream. You were always a stray kid and will always be a stray kid, please never forget that.” 

“Never,” Woojin smiled into Chan’s arms. 

“But, hyung, what about the paperwork?” Jeongin asked, his wide, bright eyes already glistening from crying, cheeks red from tear streaks. 

“Don’t worry about that, JYP and I have already taken care of that, we planned to tell the fans on October 28th,” 

“So….there’s really no going back now, right?” Jeongin questioned, his sliver of hope present in his small voice, only for the hope to be diminished as Woojin shook his head, smiling sadly. 

The air was thick with tears that night, and the members fell asleep entangled in each other’s arms, grasping at what they could before it could be lost. 

While the other members cried for days, Minho focused on dancing, perfecting the already perfect dance moves, moving just to get his mind off it. The group stayed silent on social media for days, with only several members going out to do what they needed to before coming back. They all had their ways of coping: Chan with his endless music producing, Changbin with a pen in his hand and furiously scribbling lyrics, Hyunjin with shopping his worries away as he found comfort in walking through the mall, Han with his book reading which he claimed helped him find inspiration for lyrics, Seungmin with his constant vocal practices as it went unsaid that they needed to fill in the shoes of Woojin, Jeongin with his dive into piles and piles of homework while claiming that he needed to catch-up although everyone knew he was hurting. Woojin moved restlessly around the dorm, cleaning up loose ends as he packed away his stuff and making sure Chan or Minho knew where everything was and how to take care of the dorm.

Minho, however, was typically not found as the only thing in his mind was _better, better, make the moves better, sharper, perfect, flawless, this is why Woojin left you guys, because you can’t do anything right, because you always make mistakes, because you are a letdown, because you are not **perfect**_. 

October 25th ticked by and Minho didn’t get any public birthday wishes from any of his members, only a half-hearted birthday post from a staff member, and rightfully so, as he wasn’t perfect, wasn’t good enough, and a blanket of anxiety engulfed him, making him unable to breathe through his layer of flaws. (He didn’t see the thousands of birthday wishes and pictures that brought stays together to celebrate his birthday.) 

October 28th was when the news broke and messages flooded in, comforting, reassuring, saddened, hopeful, speculative, pained, doubtful, loving. However, Minho saw none of them as he hid himself in the practice room and buried himself in his own mind. 

The next month passed by in a haze, with management allowing them a week max of sadness and sulking before they had to get back on schedule and start their District 9: Unlock tours. Practice was grueling as the trainers, both vocal and dance, racked their heads for ways to fill in Woojin’s parts without it being noticeable. They needed to get past this barrier as soon as possible to get back on track with their schedules and their new comeback the month after. However, the boys weren’t making it easier as the entire mood dropped in the practice rooms. It was harder to force a few smiles out of the members and even if they did smile, it was forced. Despite the sluggish moves, strained voices, and forced conversation, Chan did his best to lighten the mood at all times, trying to light up the dark room like the sun trying to peek out of gloomy thunderclouds. His attempts were only met with weak chuckles given out of pity for the man, and Chan knew this, he knew this too well, knew this well enough that Minho would find him crying in his bedroom over the stress of trying to tie together and mend the broken family without his anchor, his bear, his Woojin hyung. 

Minho could only pat his leader’s back and repeat the phrase “it’ll be okay, it’ll be okay”. He felt useless so the next day, when Chan was back to his bright self, he laughed at his jokes, hyped up the members worn down with practice, and despite the little reaction elicited by his action, Chan gave him a small but grateful smile and Minho knew that was enough. He had to help Chan fix their family. He started with Jisung, easily the brightest boy on earth, and definitely the mood maker of the group. Minho sat with him as he cried about his worries with Woojin gone, about his worries of covering Woojin’s difficult parts and the overall stress put on his thin shoulders. The next day, Jisung was visibly brighter, and even went to sit with Seungmin on their stage, joking and teasing the boy until he groaned in frustration and followed Jisung off to the side of the stage, undoubtedly up to no good, but Minho knew that those were the realest smiles he had seen for weeks and laughed with the fans. Next was Felix, arguably one of the most sensitive boys on the team but that trait was what made him endearing to care for, as his soft smile made you want to cradle him in your arms forever. Minho held his hand as he sobbed in broken Korean and English about how he wished they were still nine, that he needed his Woojin hyung, and how he had worked so hard for this in the survival show only for it to be taken away again. He smiled the next day as he watched Felix cuddling up to Changbin on the way home from another successful concert, making the shorter boy blush, a stark contrast with his dark clothing. Jeongin was next, the giant maknae, a boy who did not deserve such heartbreak at such a young age. As he had expected, Jeongin didn’t want to talk about it, opting to cuddle up to Minho as they watched a movie the night before their final concert in order to ease their tension, with Jeongin eventually falling asleep to Minho’s whispers that there would be nothing to worry about, _hyung’s here to protect you_. Minho ignored the nagging in his mind that he could protect no one, that him being weak led to this mess, that him not helping out Chan made this worse, and he could’ve prevented all this pain. 

When Hyunjin broke down at the final concert, begging the fans to not leave him, Minho’s body froze on stage. He had let the boy get to this point, he hadn’t reassured the boy and heard his worries, he hadn’t been able to give him the love he needed, he hadn’t wiped away his tears, he hadn’t assured him everything would be alright, he hadn’t been able to fill Woojin’s place and that hurt. His heart hurt watching the boy break down, knowing that he hated being seen as weak, especially in front of fans. 

The guilt of allowing one of his boys wallow in sadness for all this time forced Minho to shut himself in the practice room to get his mind off of things. He spent hours upon hours to try to perfect the newly learned choreography, ignoring his member’s calls and texts to get him to eat and get back to the dorms. Despite his sloppier and sloppier moves, Minho didn’t stop until a sharp pain shot up his leg, forcing him to fall against the hard floor. It took a few seconds for the room to stop spinning enough for him to check on his ankle, only to find it starting to swell and harder to put weight on. Minho could feel his breathing pick up but forced himself into the regulated breathing patterns Jisung had taught him. He knew he had to get back to the dorms and try to sleep this off, so he wobbled to his feet, pulled his bag over his shoulders and made the painful trekk back to the dorms.

\-------------

The next day, Minho couldn’t feel his left leg, but by moving it, he knew his ankle got worse. Groaning, he got up, thankful for the first time that Woojin moved out and his new roommate hadn’t moved in yet, allowing him a few minutes to press a cold towel to his swelling ankle in an attempt to stop the swelling. 

“Minho hyung! Minho hyung! Get up! It’s time to get readyyyy~” Jisung called, bursting into the room and bouncing onto the bed.

“Oh, you’re already up? Why don’t you go get some breakfast?” Jisung peered into the bathroom where Minho hurriedly put the towel away. 

“Minho hyung, are you okay? Why’re you sitting in the bathroom? Are you okay hyung?” Minho smiles, nodding at his question and pulling himself up onto his feet gingerly, careful to agitate his ankle and not spark worry in Jisung. Once on his feet, he pushed down his pain and forced himself to walk normally, placing weight evenly on both feet as he walked towards the living room. 

“Minho hyung! You’re finally awake! Eat breakfast!” Jeongin exclaimed happily, Minho could feel his lips curl into a smile at those words and the adorable way he said his name, it almost let him forget about the pain in his ankle. 

“Minho, eat quickly please because we have to be at the practice room soon,” Minho stopped at the mention of the dance practice, knowing that he will have to keep his facade. 

“Yeah hyung, eat quickly,” at that, Minho started stuffing his face with eggs, dreading what's coming later that day.

———————

The moment Minho stepped into the dance room, he knew it was going to be a long day and he couldn’t wait to leave. They’d only just began their practice, only several seconds into their new song when a thump echoed throughout the small room. Jisung was the first to react, as he ran to a lump on the ground. It took a few seconds before the other members unfroze from their positions and realized that it was- 

“Minho! oh my gosh!” Chan cried, running to Minho. 

Minho’s entire body went numb, the pain in his left ankle overwhelming all his senses. In the midst of the members asking him if he was all okay, he found someone’s hands and he clung to those like a lifeline. 

“...call the hospital!” 

“No!” Minho screamed over the ruckus, forcing everyone to stop in their tracks, “please don’t call the hospital, not again, I can do this, I can still perform like this, don’t worry, I-I just need some rest,” he used the hands he’d been gripping onto to support himself back onto his feet, trying to hide the shakiness of his voice for the sake of the other members. 

He felt a hand grip his arm, “Minho, you need to get back down, you need to get your ankle checked or you are just going to hurt yourself more,” Chan said soothingly, with a tone of voice only a leader would have, commanding yet gentle. Chan swiftly picked Minho up, much to his displeasure and complaints, and placed him on a nearby bench, softly ordering Changbin to take his show off and look at the ankle. 

His ankle was red and swelling, causing concerns for the rest of the members, “Minho hyung, please, you need to see a doctor about your ankle, your stubbornness can make it worse, we don’t want it to be like…..last year,” Changbin said the last part delicately, whispering it but the whole room heard it anyways. The memories of last year, the empty stages, the gaping holes in the formations, the lack of a certain Minho in the doors, come back to them all with stark detail. 

Much to the members’ surprise, Minho started crying, “I didn’t mean to worry you guys, but please, please, don’t take me to a hospital. I will be better, I will become perfect, I’ll make up for my flaws so you guys don’t have to punish me, I can’t handle it anymore, please don’t send me back there, it was dark, small, and I was lonely. I hate being lonely,” 

“What are you talking about hyung?” 

“The apartment,” Minho was outright sobbing this time, not even trying to put on a strong facade around the people who cared about him most, “the apartment was terrible, it felt like a jail cell, lonely, no visitors, and it didn’t help that I kept the blinds drawn the whole time.”

A realization dawned on the members. They’ve apologized for not visiting during the three weeks, but Minho had always brushed it off as he was fine and it didn’t matter since everyone was together now. That had come as a relief for the entire group and they all moved past it, missing the way Minho would always cling to the members slightly more and would never dare push himself when he was dancing. They didn’t know that he felt abandoned, felt as if he had done something wrong for them to neglect him there like that. 

“Minho, I swear that will not happen again, we will not abandon you in a time when you need the most support again, that was a terrible mistake, but please, can we go get your ankle checked?” Chan’s voice was soft and low, his hand stroking Minho’s hair as if he were a cat and he could feel tears welling up again _your members don’t need this type of weakness, they need you to be strong, to support the team, not to bring them down in a time they need you most_. Suddenly uncomfortable, he pushed against Chan’s strong arms, breaking the semi-embrace and looking around, frazzled. He felt a hand on his arm and met the worried eyes of Jisung. 

“You don’t have to work anymore, we have been worked to the brim lately and I know you have taken the brunt of it. You are trying to fill Woojin hyung’s shoes as the second hyung now, but please remember that we all are, we are all changing to make sure we establish order again. You don’t have to go through this alone anymore. I saw how you took care of us when we were all down those few weeks. I don’t know why you think you need to make something up to us, but it should be us making something up to you since we abandoned you a year ago in that apartment because we thought since you’ve lived alone before, you didn’t need us, but we never once stopped thinking about you. And now, now you have been helping each of us so much but we couldn’t see that you needed help, I’m so sorry hyung,” Jisung’s eyes overflowed with tears and beads dropped down his cheeks, Minho’s heart softened and he reached a hand up to wipe away the tears from his cheek. 

With that, the members all came into a group hug, most of them already crying or on the verge of tears but they knew to just let it out, it was natural, they lost one of them, they lost their precious number 9, they lost what they worked more than two years for. It hurt and will always hurt but they will get through it together because their fates have now been combined. 

Minho finally agreed to be taken to the hospital to get his ankle checked out, after much pleading, begging, tears, and promises. He had suffered a minor sprain in his left ankle, but they didn’t need to be worried, the doctor explained, as he was fine after just a week of rest if everything went well. With this, they were all sent home with a wheelchair and his ankle in a brace, and some warnings that went in one ear and out the other. 

“Hyung, I’m ba-“ Jisung stopped mid sentence, watching Minho as he had curled up into a ball on the couch, quiet sniffles could be heard around the room, and Jisung instantly became worried, flanking to the side of his hyung. 

“What’s wrong, does it hurt still, are you cold, do you need more blankets-“

“Jisung-ie, I want to perform, I really do,” Minho unfurled a little from his ball and grabbed his hand, “I feel like such a burden, at a time our fans need us most, I’m sitting out, again too, I hurt my ankle last year too, why can’t this stupid thing just completely heal already?” 

Instead of replying, Jisung opted to hug his hyung, trying to relieve his stress and offering him a pillow to cry on at the same time, with sweet murmurs of how they will get through this and he promises not to let him miss out again. Minho fell asleep with tear tracks streaked down his cheeks and his eyes red and swollen, against the warm hand and the soft, comforting sounds coming from Jisung’s mouth. 

Jisung couldn't sleep that night, after putting a sleeping Minho into his bed, tossing and turning, so instead, he climbed into Chan’s bed, hugging him. The gentle touch made Chan’s eyes flutter open gently and his arms curl around Jisung’s head. 

“Chan hyung, Minho wants to perform at the AAA,” 

“Baby, you know he has to rest,”

“Yeah, but he looked and sounded so sad, can you please ask the manager and JYP? He can just sit on the stage like many idols have done before. Please?” 

Wanting to get back to sleep, Chan agreed, “yeah, I’ll ask them tomorrow,” 

Days later, Minho was getting wheeled into the back room of the AAA, to his members throwing a ruckus, Jisung’s loud singing echoing in the room, Felix focused on playing a loud game on his phone with Changbin’s arm slung around his shoulders while he argued with Hyunjin and Hyunjin threw water at him, his other arm wrapped around Jeongin who was fiddling with a new electric plush one of the hyungs bought him, Seungmin reading a book next to them but laughing at the argument, and Chan rushing around trying to stop the fight and fix their makeup. 

“Oh hyung, you’re here!” Jisung called to him from across the room, and everyone in the room looked at him, making a blush rise up on Minho’s face at the sudden attention. 

Jisung’s arm instinctively went around Minho’s shoulders protectively, “hey, why don’t we continue getting ready for the performance?” And the room went back to its chaos. Minho nodded his thanks to the younger boy, and was immediately pulled into the argument. Jisung smiled fondly at his friend, and could feel an overwhelming amount of love well up in him for Minho. They both knew he would never be alone again.


End file.
